i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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