I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
