im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
