And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
