but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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