Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
