I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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