bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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