She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
