I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
