pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
