I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize