She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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