You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
