who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
