you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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