um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
