I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize