she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
