rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he thought i was a dude.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
