benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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