Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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