I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
