I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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