Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
