why didn't you poke me back
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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