I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
