38 yer olds are good kisserssss
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You are the jesus of drinking
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
