the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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