Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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