what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Buhtt sex?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
