i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
