Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
