i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
