yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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