So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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