Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
