just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
