you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
