1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.