Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.