so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
