the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close