i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
