I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY