can we get nightvision for the apartment?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
