Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
