The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I touched a dick in church today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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