Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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