Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
