i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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