Where did you get a picture of my penis
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
