it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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