Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
