remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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