To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
