also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
