Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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