I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
