apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
