Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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