You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
