Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
