I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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