He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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