I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
