you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
