Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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