why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
