weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
