Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
