a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
