Umm I'm too high to move.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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