I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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