I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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