So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
