I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
