I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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