If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
