I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
