i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
