She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
