i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
