I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
